all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
