Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize