the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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