dude i'm inner monologue high
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
