im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you would pick up someone in the library
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This baby is an asshole
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
