thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
