but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
