So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
