Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
