Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
