Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
