When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
