i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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