I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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