My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
