1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
