Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
