haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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