Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
