New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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