She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
