I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
