Me too!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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