it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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