I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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