When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
