1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
