i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
