You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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