I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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