I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
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