FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
