just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
