Moan for me like Helen Keller
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
