I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
