the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
