We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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