ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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