You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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