I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
