I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize