hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize