the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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