You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
