do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
