when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
