i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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