dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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