it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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