Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
