i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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