I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Even my vagina gasped.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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