YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
home. puking in laundry basket.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
