Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
