I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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