so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
