Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize