if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
