Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize