I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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