My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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