What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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