When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
