I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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