just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
