A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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