Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
